Last week I had the opportunity to spend some time with a dear friend, Kara. That Saturday was suppose to be my "day out". I've found that once you're a mother running errands without kiddos is what "getting out of the house" now means. (:
We met at Coldstone and treated ourselves to calorie filled guilty pleasures before we sat down to talk. She picked a seat next to a sunny window. The light from the sun seemed to highlight every thing about her that I didn't have or no longer was. It took me until well into our visit to realize I had been contrasting myself to her the entire time. I showed up in workout pants, my husband's t-shirt, no makeup and my hair in a Miss Trunchbull bun and zero confidence.
I caught a voice in my head pulling me down. With thoughts like, "Your hair could never be that beautiful", "She has such perfect teeth", "She's applying for grad school?! You could never do that". I was enjoying my time with Miss Kara. I was genuinely happy for her, her good health and good fortune. But quickly became unhappy with myself.
I left, looked in my car mirror and thought, "I'm just a mom. I haven't done anything". Then the worst thing happened I began to be afraid...afraid of never doing those things I had dreamed of in my early youth.
I came home to a messy house and children climbing all over me and fought back tears. I excused myself and ran a pity bath. Mr Lee could tell I was upset and tried to cheer me up.
I was in a funk for a few days. I made lunch one day for the kids, as I do everyday. Bronco grabbed his sandwich, hugged it tight and said, "You're the best mom ever! Thank you for my best sandwich ever!".
A new thought entered my mind that day, "You're the best mom ever". I started to recall each of the birth days of my 3 oldest children. How wonderful it was to finally have them in my life. They were definitely sent by God to me for a reason. Maybe because He knew I was more than "just a mom".
I am teacher: The manners, kindness, respect, love, knowledge and other characteristics my children have, they learned from me.
I am a leader: My children follow me, in faith, in hopes that I will show them the ways they should go.
I am a friend: Each child knows that I will always be there to play with them, listen to them and be there through all of my years and theirs. I am not afraid to be silly. I can play with trucks and dolls at the same time with two children clamoring for my attention.
I am a healer: I cure their broken hearts, mend their boo-boos, hug away their tears and restore health when they're sick.
I am love: No matter what life brings, no matter how many time outs are given in a day, my children know that they are loved.
I am hope: How I raise my children, what I teach them, how I love them is designing their futures daily. I am preparing them to be the next fathers, mothers, leaders and superheros of the next generation.
I am just a mom.
There will always be time as the years go by for me to do what I want to do for myself. However, in these imperative early years of my children's lives it is up to me to be there for them, their wants and needs. There will come a time when they move out and are on their own. When that time comes I do not want to question if I did everything, if I loved them selflessly, treated them with kindness and respect and put them first.
I am just a mom and according to the smartest 3 year old in the world, I'm the best mom ever.
Quite frankly, I couldn't be happier to be MOM.