Friday, August 30, 2013

You are My Sunshine

I've often heard of finding joy in the little things, or humor in the little things. After having children I've decided that "little things" actually means "little ones". We've all had days when it feels like our children are out to get us.

There have been plenty of times when Abigail was having a rough day, Shelby wanted to be held all the time and Bronco would do everything he KNEW wasn't allowed. I recall one day specifically he kept climbing on the table, trying  to get on the counter, sneaking into the fridge. It was endless.

I asked him as I was cleaning up a mess...

"You're out to get mommy huh?"
He replied, ever so hilariously...

"Yes! I'm gonna getcha!" And proceeded to attempt a tickle fight.

He thought I was laughing because he was tickling me. I was actually laughing, quite hard, at his answer. I know that my children can push my buttons, I have rough days but they are out to get me. They're trying to get me to play with them, to laugh with with, they're trying  to get me to know they love me.

I knew motherhood would be challenging at times, fun, tiresome, rewarding, but I never pictured it being hilarious.

Abigail is an expert drummer. She knows how to make music drumming away on the couch, walls, floor, TV an especially Dad's belly. She can go from having a total meltdown into a manic laughing episode without anyone near. That always sends the whole family into giggles.

Bronco's humor is off the charts. Just yesterday he was telling me he had two hearts. I turned around to see my toddler holding my bra up to his chest, patting the cups and saying "My hearts go bump, bump, bump" and "My hearts are blue and pretty!".

He constantly puts himself in time out when we ask him to eat his dinner, clean up his messes etc. We'll call out for him, "Bronco! Come eat your supper!"

He marches down the hall, into the kitchen and sits on the time out mat. Once he's folded his arms and crossed his legs he retorts "I can't, I'm in time out".

Shelby is a great "mommy" to her dolly. She's expert at putting it to bed, dressing it and giving it loves.

Today she was giving her baby "medicine". Apparently the baby spit  out the medicine. Shelby sighed heavily, said "Oh no, Baby", pretended to get more medicine (using  a toy syringe) and successfully completed round 2. She clapped and said yay for her little dolly and then fed her a bottle...a REAL bottle that I had to scrub off the doll and her clothing.

Yesterday, I had made two burritos...( YES 2...SUE ME). I had them on a plate, one of them already bitten into. I went for a glass of water, looked back at my plate and they were GONE. I checked the floor thinking they fell. Then my 15 month old came waltzing over, with this look that said "Whatcha lose this time?" In one hand was a full burrito, in the other (half of it in her mouth) was the 2nd burrito.

I walked towards her, and in a classic Shelby fashion, she ran and dived into all the couch pillows with a yelp. I let her keep the one she slobbered all over and we ate them together.

These are just a few of the little things of recent. I can't get over how darling my children are (especially when they're sleeping)! Between all the hundreds of moments that make up my many days with my babes, there are a million more moments I keep to myself and treasure. Holding onto those makes rough times bearable, tantrums just a phase and make spilled milk something really not worth crying about.

The mega plus in all of this is my ultra-handsome husband who knows gas station nachos makes everything A-OK! ;)


Mrs Lee


Monday, August 26, 2013

Change: Always Good but Always Hard

I haven't stuck to my blogger schedule I set for myself. My free time has been consumed by preparing Abby for school, getting all her necessary documentation and just fretting in general.

Lately she's really been struggling socially. Bronco and Shelby have become timid around our dear Abigail. They're afraid every movement she makes in attempt to hurt them.  Shelby and Bronco are still too young to understand Abby can't see and that she's afraid. Even now as I write this I am fighting tears.
Abigail 2 Years Old
My heart aches and yearns to understand her and fulfill her needs. I wish "my heart aches", was a figurative term. My chest literally tightens on days like today. Days like today consist of Abigail biting, scratching at her siblings just because she hears them. If  she hears Shelby in the kitchen Abby crawls to her to exert her frustrations. When I finally have Bronco and Shelby down for a  nap, on days like today,  I spend two  hours holding a crying child. Cries from a desperate little girl who wants nothing more than to tell mommy what's bothering her, why she hurts her siblings, why she has such sad days. I know she wants me to hear these things so I can help her.

I've often read about "the gift of tongues" and heard miraculous stories of missionaries picking up a language practically overnight so they can serve their Heavenly Father. Many times I've gone to the Lord in prayer, pleading that I would be given the gift to understand my Abby, so I can better serve her as mother, as the Lord would want. I have prayed that she would be given the gift of words to ease her struggles.
Abigail 3.5 Years Old
Yet, communication with my 3 year-old remains a guessing game of trying everything I can to appease her. I realize that I only KNOW so much. I realize that I don't have the tools nor the knowledge to help her learn speech. Which is why her attending preschool for the Utah School for the Deaf and the Blind is so imperative.

I have so many mixed feelings about school. I am POSITIVE it will be good for her. I feel that she'll get many learning tools there and help that I cannot offer her at home. I am scared for her; scared for days like today when she is crying, feeling anxious and alone, that I won't be there for her. I feel RELIEF that I will have more time to focus on Shelby and Bronco during the day. More relief that they will have "worry free" time to play and  not walk on eggshells whenever Abby comes out for the morning. I know that Abigail can only benefit from preschool. Change is good but it's also hard.

We are so blessed that Abby will have such an extensive and regular school schedule (even through summer time). We are blessed  to have an  opportunity to focus on our other children without stress on them. Life is about to get a whole lot easier but I am still praying that my Bugaboo's evaluation goes well tomorrow so she will be in school ASAP.

All my frustrations, sadness and worry about understanding my little girl and vice-versa seem as if they're about to be alleviated. I feel that is exactly what Heavenly Father has in mind to help His angel daughter receive the gift of speech. It's wonderful how every puzzle piece of our struggles over the last several months led us here for us and for her... But that's another post for another time.

Mrs Lee

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Fresh Start

It's been months and months since I last wrote in my previous family blog. I took care to write about every good thing, every perfect moment that I had as a wife and mother.  I didn't write about my kids' tantrums, dishes piling up, the bun that made it's residence on top of my head and much more.  My personal struggles with faith and self worth I'd dare not touch on.

After awhile I realized that I was feeling depressed, like I couldn't amount to what a wife and mother was suppose to be.  My unkempt hair, pile of laundry, and dishes from dinner slowly made me feel like I was failing. Then recently I noticed something wonderful.

My kitchen wasn't always perfect, my makeup hardly done, toys were scattered here and there. But...

My children were smiling all the time. My daughter Abby was walking and learning. My two youngest were best of friends. Bronco gives hugs and kisses and "I love you's" to us all. He doesn't thank me for doing the dishes but thanks me for putting down the sponge and dancing with him. My daughter doesn't stop fussing because I'm scrubbing out the fridge, she giggles and laugh because I'm reading her stories. I noticed my children were loving, happy and healthy.

Basically I finally decided that keeping up with the day to day was as easy as knowing imperfection is OK.
And that alone, has made all the difference in me and for my family. So this new family blog is a fresh start and a chance for me to embrace EVERY moment that comes my way.


Mrs Lee