Monday, June 30, 2014

Reminds Me of You

I like the smell off Folgers brewing first thing in the morning. In the morning, just as the sun plays peek-a-boo with the farm. The thick aroma of coffee, just before a hard day's work, reminds me of you.

I like the smell of a hot summer's day. The kind of hot day when dust kicks up, sticking to the sweat beads on everyone's hardworking neck and arms. The  sweet scent of salty dirt and tractor dust reminds me of you.

All I ever wanted was a big sister or big brother. A brother who teased me like big brother's do. But loved me enough to stand up for me and give me advice I didn't want to hear. My time with you was fleeting, but when you were here you were there.

I like the smell of fallen maple leaves after an autumn rain.  The kind of rain that would drench uncovered bails of hay and pound against  the windows of your home. The heart warming smell of fresh mud as we pulled weeds, reminds me of you. 

I like the smell of a dusty old pickup. A dusty pickup with sunflower seeds scattered on the floorboards, empty chew cans tossed in the back and a scented tree desperately trying to mask the scent of a farmer's truck. The rustic scent of dusty seats and sunburned sunflower seeds reminds me of you. 

Brother, I use to hear how you "struggled" Oh, how they said you "struggled"! I saw you! I knew you; hardworking, loving, a natural-mistake making-man, filled with determination, good values and unconditional love for family. I did see you struggle; struggle to be loved unconditionally for the man you were. You had your demons, (didn't we all?), yet when you were here you were there. 

I like the smell of Em's perfumes. That passionate smell of her perfumed mixed with the the burnt leather scent of your tractor. The intoxicating scent of true love finding time to talk among busy farming season, of an imperfectly perfect love, reminds me of you. 

I like the smell of Folgers brewing first thing in the morning. For a moment I see you talking to your beautiful wife about the day ahead. For a moment I hear the laughter of two little girls madly in love with daddy's tickles and tractor rides. For a moment, just a moment, even though you are are here. 


I was adopted when I was 14. I was beyond excited for a real family. I was even more excited for big brothers and sisters. Koy never hesitated. From the moment he said hello, to the day he said goodbye, he made me feel like a little sister. I don't know why, but I miss him and his family terribly today. I miss the sense of belonging, kinship and knowing someone matter how we were connected. 

Please love your family members  unconditionally. Especially if you don't agree with how they are living their lives. Just love them because family is this only place we can call home when the world has failed us, our hearts are crying out and there's no where to turn. No person should ever feel like they can't go home...

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. Such sweet memories you've shared. ❤️